Lt James Gordon: I never
said thank you.
Batman: And you'll
never have to.
(Batman Begins)
Offering help
Offering
help is a good thing in principle but it is important to
allow that it
may not be required or appreciated.
Not everyone wants to be helped.
Some people are too proud. Too proud to accept. Perhaps too proud to ask.
The latter is tricky.
Or they may not realise that they need help or may genuinely not require it.
Other people like the challenge of difficulty. They would rather work it
through for themselves.
Whatever you do, be careful not to push your help on someone.
If you offer help and it is declined, take no offence.
You gave freely and
should have no attachment to your advice. Easy come, easy go.
Receiving help
People like to
offer help.
If someone tries to assist you, do not spurn them. Do not resent their help.
You can decline with good grace and let the giver know that you respect and
appreciate the offer.
Your own bias
Offering help is not necessarily straightforward.
Be wary of pushing your views, opinions and perceptions onto other people.
You may think you hold the answers, but maybe you don't. Maybe it is all
about you.
People are rarely in possession of the whole story. They act with incomplete
knowledge, partial understanding.
The outcome of such action must by its very nature be flawed.
Some people offer help in the hope of gratification.
Although the desire for a reward may not be overt, the expectation of
feedback taints the giving.
There is a Chuang Tzu story in which a man seeks to thwart a tyrant but is
counselled to sort himself out first.
Helping your partner
Sometimes in tai chi you may
tell your partner
that they are using tension and you are simply pointing out a
fact.
It is the same as
noticing rain outside and commenting: "It
is raining."
The rain prompts the comment.
Your partner's stiffness prompts you to make comment. You simply
want to help them.
Be polite and
considerate when you offer comment. Avoid
sarcasm; it makes you
sound weak and petty.
Accepting help
Arrogance,
ignorance and
pride are
vanities that a tai chi student should not indulge in.
If you are the recipient of help, be wary of
ignoring comments
from your partner.
Usually they are meant well.
A person need not be a teacher to notice faults in your practice.
Many are obvious.
Providing the comments are gently offered, you should accept them
courteously; manners are important in a martial arts class.
If the comments are offered in a rude fashion,
politely
advise your partner that whilst their help is much appreciated, you would
rather work it through in your own time.
Contention
Lao Tzu wrote:
Those who are defensive do not understand;
those who understand are not defensive.
When
new starters become contentious we do not participate in a
debate with them.
What
would be the point?
We allow them their strong
opinions and their pre-conceived
notions.
If they feel ready to discard the teacher and walk alone, then it is
not our place to stop them.
Should an
argumentative student affect the progress of more open-minded people,
we simply ask them to seek tuition elsewhere.
It is not the teachers role to
persuade students of anything.
If you are a
skilful teacher, your drills and exercises will be scientific experiments in
which the student can find out for themselves what
works and what does not.
Page created 24 June 1999