Anxiety is love's
greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds
on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his
panic.
(Anais Nin)
Infatuation
Humans are attracted to all manner of people for all sorts of reasons.
Often the person fulfils perceived needs or desires.
It is common for a person to become infatuated with somebody outside of
their relationship.
This is simply a biological response to a prospective partner; fidelity
means nothing to our bodies so they will respond to stimuli.
Grass is greener
Although a new relationship may offer things that you do not find in
your current relationship, be wary.
Few people are without hang-ups,
personality quirks and problems.
The things that may now attract you to somebody may in time become the very
things that repel you.
Novelty cannot be trusted.
Alternate relationships
'Open relationships' work for some people.
Remember that our culture encourages marriage for a variety of
socio-economic-religious reasons.
It is not the only option available.
'Sex-only relationships' may work if the participants are unmarried but it might
become complicated if one or both parties are betraying their spouse.
Consequences
Following your instincts is a good thing but it is not without risk.
Relationships can be precarious.
If you betray your spouse or partner and have sex behind their back you now have
two people to worry about.
Both people can compromise you and make things difficult.
Huanchu Daoren advocated looking at a situation before you enter into it and
assessing the pros and cons.
Should the potential consequences be serious, be cautious.
Take a break
It might be good to have some time apart if you feel that your relationship is
having problems.
Better to separate than to be unfaithful.
You have time to think, to be yourself, to see if you can find what you felt was
lacking.
Reflecting on your relationship may help to put things in perspective and you
might find that you had underestimated the value of your partner...
Start again
The novelty of a long-term relationship fades with time. This is inevitable. But
it is not the end.
If you want to stay together, have fun together.
Dress up for one another, eat out, turn down the lights and be romantic - start
afresh as though you had just met.
Tell your partner things that you have never shared. Do not take each other for granted.
Page created 19 August 2004