Tho' much is taken, much
abides; and tho'
We are not now that strength which in the old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal-temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
(Tennyson)
Attachment
The familiarity of a loved one is part of the reason why death remains a
problem for people.
Inevitability
The
inevitability of death is undeniable.
Yet when a friend, a relative or the family dog dies, we are upset.
Years of love, affection and thought have been directed toward a being that
no longer exists.
The loss is disturbing.
It is a surprise to find them gone, and
their absence is as substantial as their presence - and we are shocked each time
by the realisation of their passing.
With so much care invested in a living being, it is difficult not be attached.
And in some ways detachment would simply not be human.
Detachment should be reserved for material goods and ideas; things that cannot
return your feelings, things that do not live and breath.
Regret
Absence and loss are
difficult, but regret is more significant and lasting.
What was left unresolved? Unsaid? Undone?
Were you harsh?
Did you express your love?
Was your last encounter a healthy one?
When there is a death, it is too late for regret. The moment for apology and
reconsideration has passed.
Forgive
Forgiveness is a strange and beautiful gift.
To freely forgive requires an end to judgement.
You must let go of the past; of memory, thoughts, feelings, opinions and
bitterness.
Accept that what is done is done and move on.
It is easy to think of examples where this seems impossible.
Now reconsider the depth and challenge of forgiveness.
Forgiving others can be hard. Forgiving yourself, though, may prove an even
greater task.
Die to the past
If you were going to die
today, what would you do?
Who would you apologise to?
Which grievances would you forget?
This is not some morbid game; it is the realisation that you can only
do things now.
Any action you take must be in the
immediate moment - in your everyday conduct.
Let the trivia of the past fade away and your priorities and concerns will
change.
Forget your grudges, grievances and quarrels...
Forget the negative things that happened in the past - they exist only in
memory...
Forget about the clutter, the irrelevances of your daily life, the nonsense you
are told to care about...
Gossip, news, celebrity, politics, sport and material goods are distractions
that blind you to living, to caring.
Relate while you can
Relationships are what matter.
You are linked to so many other beings in your life and your interaction is
important, it is special.
Give of your best to those around you while they are still living and breathing.
Waiting is foolish.
Death may come at any time.
Is your relationship with those around you good? Have you treated others with
dignity and respect?
If the answer is yes, you will have no regrets when they die or you die.
(For Abbie)
Page created 28 June 2006