I have seen schools where some of the students show disrespect to the
teacher by not paying him on time, by being frequently late to class, and by
not informing the teacher when a class must be missed.
(John
Lash)
Attitude
Being a considerate person makes life much easier. You notice other
people, you pay attention to their moods, wants and needs.
This does not entail any form of subservience or simpering.
You are simply aware. In the here and now. Paying attention. Listening.
It is surprising what you notice when you stop your internal narrative and look
at what is going on around you.
You may see common ground between you and someone else. Your interests and
agendas may not be all that different.
Instead of fighting, you could simply talk.
Do you need to win? Is it necessary to get your point across? Who cares if the
other person does not understand?
Instead of getting into a conflict, ask yourself: is there another option?
Compassion
Compassion is not about being soppy or becoming a monk.
It is about caring.
When you wake up and see that everyone else is pretty much the same as you, you
stop being such a jerk.
Instead of treading on people, you help them. Instead of causing conflict, you
avoid it.
People who see themselves in others start treating strangers quite differently.
We all want pretty much the same things: love, food, shelter, piece of mind,
security, kindness, financial and emotional comfort.
What is so special about you? Aren't you just the same as everyone else?
Internal conflict
The source of all conflict resides within. We experience reality within
our minds.
Our minds interpret what our senses encounter, and we filter that information
relative to our conditioning.
The difference between a peaceful person and an aggressive individual is
perception.
If we want to get along with other people we must address our own mind and
emotions.
This is where the problem lies.
Non-violence
Our school aims to address self defence without resorting to undue
violence.
Violence against violence can lead to further escalation.
We simply desire to evade conflict and escape unharmed.
There is no ego involved, no desire to win or claim a trophy.
We learn how to
incapacitate the attacker smoothly and easily.
Then we walk away.
Non-violent communication
It is quite possible to communicate with other people without hostility
and conflict.
We can share ideas in an amiable way, even if we are in disagreement with one
another.
Emotional awareness and composure represent the key.
When your emotions are balanced and calm, you can think clearly and see more.
You notice things and can respond intuitive and sensitively, rather than
blundering around carelessly.
Our choice of words can be well-chosen, without being false or manipulative.
Zen/tao might suggest that we respond with silence.
This is not an invitation to be rude. It indicates that talk is not always
necessary or beneficial.
No fixed result
Taking another person's feeling into account means that we can avoid being
accusatory or hostile.
We can discuss things rationally and sensibly.
The aim is not to find a
solution or even to win.
Rather, we simply want to explore the possibilities together.
A shared journey of discovery is far more productive than starting out with a
fixed agenda.
Who can say where the conversation may lead, or what unforeseen elements may
emerge?
Page created 2 April 1999