If a situation is untenable or unchangeable, walk away.
(Stuart Wilde)
Separation
Relationships fail all the time.
This is actually a healthy, natural thing and needs to happen.
Two people should not remain together if they are unhappy; what would be the
point?
Enduring an unpleasant domestic situation (even for the
sake of children) is like dooming yourself to years of purgatory.
Why?
Being a martyr will only damage your mind and body.
Letting-go is important.
It may take courage and seem selfish, but it isn't.
Going against the grain is worse.
Suffering is worse.
Not good enough?
People are often rejected by their partner and the relationship ends.
It is easy to feel like a failure.
You may even be told that you are not good enough.
Whilst this statement may be damaging to your ego and self-esteem, it actually
has no bearing on reality whatsoever.
Values differ from person to person.
You are not to blame if your partner does not like you anymore.
Consider: somebody swears at you...
How do you respond?
It depends entirely upon who it is and under what circumstances this occurs.
Do you value that person's opinion of you?
Maybe swearing for you is normal discourse and you don't even notice.
Compatibility
When a relationship commences, two people find themselves
going out with somebody who is uniquely different to how they are.
Personality traits, quirks of character, habit patterns and thoughts will all
differ to yours in some way.
Whilst this adds novelty to your life and in some way is the whole point of the
relationship, it may also prove difficult for you.
Your partner is just being themselves.
What matters is how you respond to this. If you like it - great. If not - you
have a problem to consider.
How much does it bother you?
Individuals
Everyone is special.
Finding somebody else who is comfortable with you also entails
finding someone who is comfortable with themselves.
A needy desperate person will crave attention endlessly;
you will be expected to perform the role of counsellor, mirror, diplomat
and audience.
Is this what you want?
That really depends what sort of person you are.
People are made up of so many different qualities; neither good or bad.
We cannot be truly understood, even by ourselves.
In relationship, it is important to pay attention to the 'here and now'.
Forget the past and see what is right in front of you.
If things are going well, good.
If not, consider alternatives.
Other fish...
The world is vast and teeming with people, and humans are biologically
hard-wired to find many people sexually attractive.
This is natural, normal and quite healthy.
To use the cliché: there are other fish in the sea...
In fact there are many more.
Millions more.
Attraction
Remember: attraction does not denote compatibility.
In many instances you will be attracted to people who would be wholly
unsuitable as a partner for you.
Accept it.
Enjoy the view.
Engage in conversation but do not be disappointed if a deeper
relationship fails to develop.
Everyone has their own tastes, quirks and preferences.
Do not take offence if someone says no.
Most importantly, do not try to force an outcome. Let it unfold. See where it
goes. Change and allow for change in your partner.
Enjoy it for what it is. If it is simply a flirtatious conversation, do not try
to make it into something more. Being greedy usually backfires. Enjoy the
moment, then let it pass.
Blame
No one is to blame when a relationship fails.
If you no longer like being with another person, accept it but do not
blame them.
It is your response to them that is ending the relationship.
Or their response to you.
Either way, that is the way it is.
Rejoice in the change of circumstance and seek new opportunities and
adventure.
Page created 5 October 2000